Cool Jokes From Welsh Wit And Humour By Camilla Zajac


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I'm learning from other people, and I've seen that a lot of blogs have posts of the best positive quotes, or certain types, like success quotes, or the quotes of a famous person. I think it's an easy, and good idea for a blog post. I love positive quotes, but I thought it would nice to have some jokes!

These ones are from the book, 'Welsh Wit and Humour' by Camilla Zajac.It's only a short, fun paperback book, part of a series, like Yorkshire Wit and Humour, Scottish Wit and Humour, etc. 

They're not all exactly 'Welsh' jokes, there's some normal ones and there's riddles in it too.
Look it up if you like. I've found it here on Amazon but that's not an affiliate link, or you can get it from another shop or bookshop online or offline.
I hope there's no one on the internet who doesn't like the jokes, or if you've heard them, please accept my humble apologies in advance and think kind and positive. 

If you want to make more money than you've got, you can make books, and you should be able to see that it's not that hard. 
Use Kindle Money Mastery. You can put them in Kindle first, and them make them into physical books later on for second income stream! It's pretty cheap. If it seems like a good idea to you, be brave and go for it and do it.

I've put some more of my affiliate banners on too. Get some things, for yourself, or for your home, or for your friends or family!


You can also see My Blog Post about Traditional Welsh Love Spoons here and buy yourself one by clicking right here!
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Here we go!

1. An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman and Scotsman were captured while fighting in a foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you can each make a final wish"

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear 'God Save The Queen' just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune."

The Irishman replies, "I'd like to hear 'Danny Boy' just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune."

The Welshman answers, "I'd like to hear 'Men Of Harlech' just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir." 

The Scotsman says quickly, "I'd like to be shot first."

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2. A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. 

Realising the danger, he shouted over to the man, "Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!" (Don't drink the water. It's disgusting!)
The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear, shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking.

Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer, "Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn dwr!" (Don't drink. Water's disgusting. Sheep dung in the water.)
StilL the walker couldn't hear the farmer. 

Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said again, "Dwr yn  ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!" (Water's disgusting. Don't drink it!) 

"I'm dreadfully sorry my good man, I can't understand a word you say dear boy! Can't you speak English? Said the man at the stream in a splendid English accent. "Oh, I see", said the farmer, "I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get more in!"

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3. Two men, Cadwaladr and Dewi shared an old two-roomed farmhouse somewhere west of Llanfarian.
Cadwaladr grumbled to a visitor, "Dewi makes life unbearable at times. He keeps sheep and goats in the bedroom and it smells terrible."
"Why don't you open the window?" came the reply.
"What, and let my pigeons escape?!"

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4. I went to Cardiff last week and had a run in with the Taffia, the Welsh contingent of the Mafia.
They made me an offer I couldn't understand.

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5. A visitor to Llanrwst asked a local resident to direct him to the house of Mr. Evan Griffiths. 
The reply was, "You see those two houses at the top of the hill? Well Mr. Griffiths lives in the middle one."

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6. Three Welshmen in a pub praising the beer:
First Welshman: "Best glass of beer I never tasted no better."
Second Welshman: "So did I neither."
Third Welshman: "Neither did I to."

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7. A man walks into a bookshop and says, "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology."

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8. Harry proudly drove his new convertible into town and parked it on the main street. He was on his way to the recycle centre to get rid of an unwanted gift, a foot spa, which he left on the back seat.

He had walked half way down the street when he realised that he had left the top down....with the foot spa in the back.
He ran all the way back to his car, but it was too late....
Another five foot spas had been dumped in the car.

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9. Two Welshmen, Dylan and Glyn, are sitting on a park bench reading their newspapers.
Dylan notices the headline. "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."
Turning to Glyn, Dylan enquires, "How many is a Brazilian?"

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10. Two men who arrived late at a crowded theatre in Cardiff could not find a seat and had to stand at the back. 
Getting tired after the first act, one of them shouted loudly at the beginning of the interval, "Mr Evans' house is on fire!" 
They immediately had the choice of nineteen vacant seats.

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11. A Russian spy was dropped by parachute in the Welsh hills with instructions to contact a Mr. Jones who lived in the small village of Llanfair, and give him the code message, "The tulips are blooming well today." 
Arriving at the village, he asked a small boy where Mr, Jones lived and was directed to a small cottage at the end of the village. 
He knocked on the door and the owner emerged, "Are you Mr. Jones?" 
"I am."  
"The tulips are blooming well today."
Mr. Jones stared at him in amazement and then smiled. 
"Ah, you must have come to the wrong house. It's Jones-the-spy you want."

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12. A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

To which, the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

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13. It is now many years since the last train stopped at the railway station with the longest name in Britain: Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, in Anglesey.
When a train stopped at the station, the porter would cry out, "Anyone in there for here?"

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14. Ianto was having a pint at his local when a very loudmouthed Englishman called Henry walked in. Ianto couldn't help overhearing Henry trying to bet a couple of young lads that they couldn't drink 20 pints in 20 minutes.

After a lot of cajoling, Henry was unsuccessful in his goal to make a few quid. He looked around at Ianto and said, "Well, what about you then? Are you game? Ianto downed his pint and left the pub.

Half an hour later Ianto walked back into his local and said to Henry, "I'll take that bet."
Sure enough, Henry smiled at the easy money he would make as Ianto began to drink the pints. 

Henry's smile soon disappeared when Ianto polished off the 20 pints in 19 minutes.
Handing over the cash, Henry said, "When you left the here earlier, where did you go?"
Ianto looked at him and replied, "I had to go to the pub down the road to see if I could do it first."

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15. Three Englishmen walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table.
One fellow sad to the others, "Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there."
His partner replied, "Wait, we don't want to be arrested. Let's make him start the fight."

The third Englishman said, "Wait here chaps, I know how to do it."
He went over to the Welshman and said, "St. David was a flippin' sissy."
To this the Welshman replied, "Ah well, you don't say!" and calmly resumed drinking his beer.

The second Englishman now tried his luck and said to the Welshman, "St.David was a stupid fool that wore a dress!"
The Welshman again replied, "You're very sharp, you don't say!" and calmly resumed drinking his beer.

The last Englishman told his friends he knew how to rile the Welshman and bounced up onto the table and yelled, "St. David was an Englishman!"

The Welshman replied calmly, "That's what your mates were trying to tell me."

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16. An Englishmen, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old crone stepped in front of them.

"This is a magic ride," she said. "You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down."

"I'm game for this," said the Welshman and slides down the helter-skelter shouting, "GOLD!" at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold cons.

The Englishman goes next and shouts, "SILVER!" at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.

The Irishman goes last and launching himself from the top of the slide shouts, "WEEEEEE!"


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17. A Welsh fan was watching a Six Nations game against Ireland in Dublin. In the packed stadium, there was only one empty seat - right next to him.

"Who does that seat belong to?" asked Dai from the row behind. "I got the ticket for my wife," replied the fan.

"But why isn't she here?"
"I'm afraid she died in a accident."
"So you're keeping the seat vacant as a mark of respect," said Dai.
"No," said the fan, "I offered it to all of my friends."
"So why didn't they take it," asked a puzzled Dai.
"They've all gone to the funeral."

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18. After having dug to a dept of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 20 metres, and shortly after headlines in the London newspaper read: "English archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, a Welsh newspaper reported the following, "After digging as deep as 30 metres in a peat bog near Tonypandy, Dai 'Digger' Davies, a self-taught archaeologist and eminent worrier of sheep, reported that he found absolutely nothing. It has therefore been concluded that, 300 years ago, Wales had already gone wireless!"

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Hee hee hee! 😊 I liked the the sheep farmer with the water, Jones-the-spy, the foot spa, St. David was a flippin' sissy that wore a dress, Cadwaladr and Dewi and the hearse driver ones the best. Pass on the jokes you liked to your friends and share this post to your social media followers if you liked it. I appreciate it. πŸ’—

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